Batman vs Superman trailer: Review

Don’t you hate it when the trailer gives everything away?

Well that’s exactly what the Batman vs Superman trailer did when director Zach Snyder released the clip late last night.

The Batman v. Superman trailer, which gives everything away.

I mean, I’m all for trying to sell a movie, but why not throw a “Spoiler Alert” right before the meaty parts of the trailer?

Anyways, since all the mystery is gone and we basically know how this blockbuster is going to end, I figured I’d look at some of the key moments and analyze them more thoroughly.

Snyder’s trailer opens with a sweeping shot of the Superman suit, famously donned in 2013’s Man of Steel.  The suit looks as good as it did back then, there’s only one problem: no Kal-El.

Superman is not in his super suit.

The trailer then moves to the next shot of Batman’s famous cowl and cape. Again, no Bruce Wayne filling out Lucius Fox’s kevlar designs.

I think it’s pretty obvious from the “trailer” (read: entire movie) that Batman and Superman will not be against each other as the title so blatantly implies.  Here we can only assume that Clark and Bruce are running around without their costumes.  In fact, I think the movie’s title image tends suggests they’ll be doing a little more than “running around” without their costumes.

Batman v Superman logo.  Notice anything suggestive?

Batman v Superman logo. Notice anything suggestive?

Look at how the Batman logo is behind the Superman logo.  The Caped Crusader is extending his wings out, almost wrapping around the world’s most famous S.

It reminds me of another famous movie scene.

Jack_and_Rose

Just sayin’.

That’s right.  I think it’s pretty clear this DC cinematic event isn’t going to be an all out battle as the title suggests.  I don’t think it’s going to be a battle at all.  If anything, it should probably be named Batman+Superman=<3

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  I, for one, am happy that in this era, a movie studio is willing to hold up a mirror to society and show how the world really is.

And this explains a lot about the notable absence of Robin in the recent Dark Knight instalments.  There’s always been a questionable tension between Dick (ha!) Grayson and Bruce, but it seems Warner Bros. and DC were saving Bruce for a more “age appropriate” love interest.

Good on them, but I’d like to see them push the series even further, with even more important social commentary.  No longer should these two have to keep secret identities.  This is 2015 for Cripe’s sake! Be open.  Fly free. You don’t have to hide in your caves or your fortress of solitude any longer.

It’s a great cinematic achievement, and I’m extremely excited for the release.  I only wish that Zach Snyder had left just a smidgen of movie up for the viewer’s imagination.

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Avengers: Age of Ultron leaked script!!!! part 2

With under a month before the release of the second Avengers flick, I’ve received several pages of Age of Ultron‘s final script.  My source, who prefers to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, assures me this is 100% legit.  Since it’s SO much to handle all at once (and because I need to make four posts to satisfy this class’s requirements), I’ll be making four separate posts, each with a different bit of the leaked script.

So here goes PART 2:

INT. Gymnasium. Day

The Avengers are in the gym, training for an upcoming challenge.  The Hulk is at the benchpress, while Hawkeye does the spotting.  The rest of the Avengers are scattered around the gym.

Hawkeye

…6 billion, 6 billion and one, 6 billion and two. (Hulk finishes his set and rests the bar back on the thing)

Hulk 

Hulk done. Hulk swole.

Hawkeye 

Well done, Hulk.  I’d hop on as well, but you might have to take off a few pounds…a few MILLION pounds.  HAHA! (laughs)  But seriously, I’m proud of the team.  They’re working so hard in anticipation for this upcoming football game against Ultron.  Winner-take-all! Literally! HAHA! (laughs)

Hulk

I play linebacker. (comically puts a football helmet on backwards, stumbles around and falls, shaking the gym)

Black Widow

(falls over while doing squats) Geez.  Watch where you’re falling, big guy.  You wouldn’t want to see me when I’M angry. HAHA! (laughs, while Hulk has a romantic grin on his face as he removes the helmet check out Scarlett Johansen (sp?))

Thor

Aye! Would you laddies and lassies keep it down over there? I lost count.  (Goes back to his exercise, which is taking his mighty hammer and bashing it against a tire…y’know, like how they do it in the commercials?) Twenty-one ach! Twenty-two ach! Twenty-three ach!

Quicksilver 

Hey, do you guys know if this treadmill has any higher settings?!

ALL

HAHA! (laughs)

Nick Fury

(enters gym) Listen up you mother fuckers! We’ve only got three days left of fuckin’ training before the big game and you idiots are fooling around in this damn gym.  Now, where’s my secret weapon?

Air Bud

(Walks out from behind the corner) Bark Bark!

Nick Fury

There he is.  Y’know, I may be sick of mother fuckin’ snakes on that mother fuckin’ plane, but I’m not sick of mother fuckin’ dogs on this mother fuckin’ team! (pauses for applause break, waiting for audience to recognize the reference)

The scene fades to black.  Near the end of the movie, right before the full credits roll, the words “Starring Air Bud” appear (like the movie Se7en dealt with Kevin Spacey’s surprise role).  We were able to hide that this was an Avengers meets Air Bud crossover.  Nobody suspected a thing!

Avengers: Age of Ultron leaked script!!!! part 1

With under a month before the release of the second Avengers flick, I’ve received several pages of Age of Ultron‘s final script.  My source, who prefers to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, assures me this is 100% legit.  Since it’s SO much to handle all at once (and because I need to make four posts to satisfy this class’s requirements), I’ll be making four separate posts, each with a different bit of the leaked script.

So here goes PART 1:

EXT. OUTSIDE COTTAGE NEAR WOODS. DAY

Captain America and Iron Man are outside chopping wood.  These two, and the rest of the Avengers, have retreated to a cottage.  They’re trying to figure out how to beat the evil Ultron, but they’ve also got other demons they’re battling…

Iron Man

Hey man, pass me that axe?

Captain America

You’ve got it, friend. (passes axe)

Iron Man

Y’know, we’ve battled the fiercest enemies in the world, but who’d’ve thought this TREE would make a formidable foe!

Captain America

Haha, you’re so right about that!

Iron Man

But seriously, Cap’, what are we doing out here?

Captain America

It’s a bit of a work retreat.  We’ve been assembled for so long, I thought it would be nice to disassemble for once; let off some steam.

Iron Man

Jeez, who made YOU captain? (smirks and looks at camera, pauses for laughter)

Captain America

Tony, you’ve gotta start taking this stuff more seriously.  I know they call you Iron Man, but you’re acting like an Iron Boy!

Iron Man

(sighs, bites knuckle before speaking) It’s just so tough, being a super hero.  It’s like no matter what I do, no matter how much I try, nobody understands me.

Captain America

Being understood isn’t what we signed up for partner.

Iron Man

Easy for you to say! You’re Captain AMERICA.  I’m just a man – a man with a machine in place of his heart.

Captain America

Could be worse…you could be ALL machine! (Captain America looks over his shoulder, where a thought bubble appears showing an image of Ultron.  The audience is reminded of the REAL issues at hand)

Iron Man 

Boy, you always know what to say, Captain.  What an interesting group of characters we Avengers are.  There’s a real…(pauses and looks at the camera again) STARK difference between us all!

Both men laugh and hug it out.  Even when they have such drastically different views, they have a lot of respect for one another.  The scene fades to black.