Six hilarious impressions that will win over your friends!

Want to show your friend that you know mimic classic, obscure characters/actors? Here’s a few to practice…

1. Christopher Walken 

Your friends will love you saying “Wow” or “my watch” with weird inflections! Your friends might not recognize who you’re doing, so make sure to add in “I’m Christopher Walken” or “I was in Pulp Fiction” to help clarify.

2. Bane

This one’s great, because you get to use your hands as well as your voice.  Cup your hands over your mouth, so you get that classic echo.  Then say stuff about having “permission to die.” This one will never go out of style.  If your friends haven’t seen the TDKR in a while, make sure to say “I’m Bane” or “I was in The Dark Knight rises” to help clarify.

3. Cartman 

Those classic “screw you guys I’m going home” or “I’m not fat” quotes will have your friends in stitches – but make sure to practice.  This one’s pretty difficult.  Also, if your friends don’t watch South Park regularly, make sure to say “I’m Cartman” or “I’m in South Park” to help clarify.

4. Charles Barkley 

Get your southern drawl ready.  This one will knock their sneakers off! Be sure to include the guy’s golf swing in your routine, and but stay on course and constantly reference basketball.  If your friends aren’t basketball fans, always good to toss out an “I’m Charles Barkley” or “I played basketball.”

5. Ahhhhnold Schwarzenegger

Ahaha just playing, it’s spelt Arnold! But seriously, nothing livens up a room more if you’re leaving and toss out an “I’ll be back.” If all else fails, an “I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger” or “I was in Terminator” will help people connect the dots.

and 6. Your mother

This one’s hilarious, because EVERYONE has a mother! They can relate! And don’t all moms have weird quirks.  Don’t get me started lolz.  Best way to start the routine? “[your name], this is your mother.  Have you done your chores?” Instant classic.

4 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life – Easter Themed!

Just in time for an Easter romp, here’s some Easter-themed tips for pump things up in the boudoir!

1. “The Egg Hunt”

Remember when your parents would hide chocolate eggs all around the house or yard, and you’d be running all over the place trying to find them? Why not try that with sexual intercourse? Have your partner hide somewhere in the house or yard, and go chase him/her with your “basket” (in this case, basket refers to your genitals).

2. “The Res-erection”

Maybe you or your fella is having trouble keeping “up” with the festivities.  The res-erection keeps things festive while “raising spirits”.  Simply wait until Easter Sunday, then pop one of those blue pills.  When everything starts kicking in, proudly proclaim, “He hath risen!”

3. Passover 

Jesus not your thing? Try this maneuver.  It’s a little complicated, so stay with me…

Have your partner be your “slave” for decades, and subject them to “backbreaking labour” and “unbearable horrors”.  Then have your buddy Moses send numerous warnings to the “Pharoah” (your) about ten potential “steamy” plagues that could be unleashed on the household.

Next, when the clock strikes midnight, have a third party kill your firstborn child.  Unleash some locusts and frogs, spread some disease onto your pets, and replace your running water with blood.

After all of this sexy foreplay, have your partner leave the bedroom and walk the other way of your house for days.

Required items: murder weapons, locusts, frogs, strands of disease, buckets of blood

4. “Hop”

Just check out the 2011 animated film directed by Tim Hill.  Almost as good as Like Mike!

Hop poster

Review: Birdman

Well, this one took a lot of effort – NOT!

Did you guys see this movie? They did it all in one long, dumb take.  How much talent could that possibly require? It’s like the director said “Uhh yeah we’re just gonna keep this thing rolling.  Just keep going.  MAYBE we’ll have some semblance of a plot by the end of it.”  Despicable.

The sign of a truly great film is the amount of cuts they can fit in.  Have you guys Like Mike? Loads of cuts. Like Mike 2: Streetball? Even more cuts! Do you think we would’ve understood the drama of L’il Bow Wow’s orphan childhood and subsequent rise into the NBA if it had been one continuous shot? Forget about it.

Sean Penn was right to slam this director for not having his green card! How do you say cut in spanish?

And don’t get me started on the plot largely ignoring the REST of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Not one allusion to Thor’s hammer, or Tony Stark’s iron suit.  Nope, instead our main villain is “Alcohol” and “Troubles at home.”  Well excuse me if I’m not looking forward to those villains popping up in the next Avengers flick.  Dumb.  And I didn’t see Edward Norton’s Bruce Banner hulk up once throughout the hour and a half borefest.  Not once.

I thought the acting was just okay, and suffered from some major miscasts.  Michael Keaton as a washed up actor who used to play a major superhero? Yeah right, LOL! And Norton as some stuck-up actor that’s difficult to work with? I don’t think so.

If I had to pick one redeeming quality, it would be the exciting prospect of bringing some Spiderman characters into the MCU.  That rooftop exchange between The Hulk and Gwen Stacy was pretty sweet (see: featured image).

*/*****

I got hit by a car last week

Not much to this blog.  I was crossing the street the other day and got hit by a silver Impala.  I wasn’t hurt, but the guy sped off.

If it wasn’t so enraging that the guy peeled away, it honestly would’ve been a cool experience.  I’ve always wanted to be hit by a car, just to know what it feels like.  The guy was going at least forty or fifty km/h, so it wasn’t like a minor striking.

My maneuver was also pretty sick.  Instincts kicked in as I saw it coming towards me, and I jumped.  I landed on the hood and somehow barrel-rolled off to the side, landing on my feet.  The guy never stopped.

If you see an impala with a dented hood in London in the next week, give me a shout.