iOS 7: Hidden Features

The day has finally come.  It’s time to toss on those black turtleneck sweaters, jam in that USB cord into the crusty, grimy hole at the bottom of your iPhone, and update away.  Since I shelled out the big bucks for the developers kit, I’ve become quite familiar with the little nuances hidden within iOS 7’s sleek new interface.  Here a just a couple of things those people at Cupertino have snuck into the latest operating system:

  1. Please Update Your iTunes

Though one of the more subtle touches from Apple, iOS 7 allows users to sit on his or her laptop for a half hour, trying to install the latest update to iTunes.  This beautiful touch is more aesthetically pleasing than anything, as a beautiful download bar appears in either Safari or the App Store.  While not exactly new to the Apple mobile operating systems, users are drawn into the absolutely gorgeous finishes new to the required updates, be it “Error code 101” or the ever popular “Error code 102”.

2. Luxurious Relaxation Times

Part of Apple’s move towards a more user friendly experience has focused on removing the “techy” aesthetics.  With this update, Apple has virtually removed any semblance of techiness with its new feature of “lengthy download times”.  Yes, iOS 7’s download time has been increased to such an enjoyable length that it will feel like you’re not dealing with any technology at all.  For several hours, this reviewer could have dinner with his family, go for a run, and attend a concert and it felt like the phone was hardly operable at all! We’ve truly reached the pinnacle of the digital age, my friends.

3. Could Not Activate iPhone

This was an update that hit really close to home, and will be quite useful for yours truly.  Apple has added the wonderful enhancement of not being able to activate iPhones (seen in picture on the right).

One of the many new features of iOS7 over which the public is salivating.

One of the many new features of iOS7 over which the public is salivating.

With the old operating systems, receiving text messages and phone calls, reading emails, and just generally being able to use my iPhone was cumbersome at best.  iOS 7 eliminates said trials, and allows me to stare at a white screen for forty five minutes while debating the drive to the nearest Apple Store.  A few things that may go unappreciated about this enhancement: the typeface, the simplicity, and the surprisingly helpful advice.  “This may take a few minutes,” the words proclaim.  No, I think to myself.  It’s only felt like minutes, but this “problem” has persisted for several hours.  Thank you, Apple.

4. Twitter Integration

What’s that? They added this before? Sure, they may have added what they called “twitter integration” before, but Apple has really stepped up its game this year.  iOS 7 takes the current reliance on social media and adds another level with what they call “Twitter templates”.  These templates are really quite simple; the moment a user attempts to download iOS 7, he or she immediately sends out a tweet asking other if they have been able to successfully download and install the operating system.  Genius! No longer are people required to “be patient” or “have original thoughts”.  Apple has recognized the need for redundancy within 140 characters or less, and has brought such needs into the technological era.

If you love constant bitching and poop jokes, follow me @TuckChuckWilson.  I’ll be using my twitter templates later today if the “Could Not Activate iPhone” feature still exists.

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